No. 343: Bat Out Of Hell

Band: Meat Loaf
Album: Bat Out Of Hell
Why Rolling Stone gets it right: This album has sold 14 million copies. So, uh, there's that.
Why Rolling Stone gets it wrong: The album is a showtuney festival of masturbation by songwriter Jimmy Steinman. Some sort of homage to both Springsteen and Peter Pan (the storyline of the rock opera is loosely based on Peter Pan), "Bat Ouf Of Hell" is ridiculous, over-the-top and silly.
Best song: Ugh.
Worst song: "Paradise By The Dashboard Light" is awful, awful and awful.
Is it awesome?: Nope.

Man, oh, man. If an artist was hoping to make an album that was created simply to annoy me, what would it sound like?

Well, it would need the earnestness of Springsteen. It would also need some sort of Eagles-esque bad metaphors. There would have to be some outlandish showtunes-type melodrama. A boring mid-range male voice probably needs to be there, too -- I prefer female singers or men with voices that are distinctive. Let's also have some songs about cars and driving. I almost always hate songs about cars and driving.

What do you know? "Bat Out Of Hell" is almost written exactly to annoy me. The awful narrative Springsteen-style "Paradise By The Dashboard Light" almost perfectly fits the above description. It sounds like something Andrew Lloyd Webber would write, coupled with a ridiculous boring -- though out of breath, thanks to Meat Loaf's considerable girth -- vocal. The obnoxious Billy Joel-style piano peppers the song's three portions. Also, about making out in a car, something I've done all of once in my life.

Meat Loaf was good in "Rocky Horror Picture Show." That's about it.